My first love was when I was 19, I was a late bloomer. >__<
I had never been in a relationship before and years later was told that neither had he. He was a gentleman, opened the doors and everything. Funny, sarcastic, and a complete romantic. How could I not fall for him?
In the beginning, I had no plans to be in a relationship with him. But he made me laugh so I said yes to a movie date. In the movies, he asked if he can kiss me. I teased him ,"we'll see " but I was just trying to cover up the fact that I had never been kissed. The movie started and about 15 minutes into the movie I leaned in close to him and whispered "this movie sucks..." and then went back to watching. I felt him lean in to me, expecting a witty remark, I looked at him...instead he kissed me.
It was one of those kissed you see in the movies, the one where everything feels like its falling into place. it was a kiss that took my breathe away.The kiss lasted a minute and he looked at me with a confused expression, said "wow", and went back to kissing me. Next thing we knew the movie was over.
Our relationship seemed too good to be true. He was sweet and we got along great. It just felt so right, to this day I'm still asking myself what it was. But as the relationship developed, we got scared. He started to back away, but I kept working on our relationship, being patient no matter how much it hurt, I didn't want to give up. He saw the pain he was causing me and ended it. I remember feeling hurt but relieved. When I was with him I felt like the pain would never go away, now that I was not with him anymore, I knew the pain was temporary.I was tired of giving everything for nothing, I just didn't want to admit it.
When we broke up I told him
" I'm gonna be the girl who got away. I'm good to you, you'll see. "
The breakup was horrible for both of us. I faked a smile everyday, pretending I was ok. and him...well he looked like crap. We didn't really talk for 6 months. After that it was limited to him calling me once a month to catch up. By then I had moved on, I was dating and living life.
2 years later I moved and I didn't tell him. We lost touch until one day he emailed me. He was saying all the things I knew he would one day say. What we had was special, he misses me. He regrets letting me go. He cried when we broke up.. blah blah blah.
But too many things had changed, he was a divorced man with a child and I was travelling around the world on an adventure. I told him we weren't mean to be back then and we're not meant to be now.
He told me of all his regrets and I told him I had none, because I went all in where as he ran. So too bad I guess. He asked me to go to dinner and I said no. Because I want to preserve the good memories we had and leave it at that.
I will always love him. It was one of bittersweet experiences. Where even though the end was so painful , I would not change anything, There were moments where I never thought I would be that happy. For all the intensely sad moments, there were moments of overwhelming happiness. I learned that love is giving someone the power to hurt you but hoping they won't. It's a risk but one that is worth it.
Hopefully one day I will meet another person who takes my breath away, someone who I can lean on and feel as if all my worries will go away. Someone who isn't scared to take the leap of faith with me. I'm not actively looking, I'm happy to be single. I believe that when the time is right , He'll be there.Hopefully I'll get another kiss that will take my breath away...
Singapore Wedding, Singpoare travel
